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Sunday, October 23, 2011

Norm Mac Namara (Uk) affected with Early Onset of Alzheimer's Disease, sharing his views on the paranoid ideas and changes he is currently going through.

Teetering On The Edge?

There`s one thing you must remember about people with Dementia, they are very good at hiding things, myself included. Yes, it’s been a hectic few weeks and next week is no different as we have four meetings, a memory cafe and Elaine (My Angels) birthday on the 27th and that’s not counting a visit from a very special lady from Bolton who is 83 and done so much for the Alzheimer`s cause in the North west of England.

The last few days I have noticed such a decline in my well being, my memory and my mobility. The nights are just getting worse; there is no letting up in the NIGHT TERRORS dept. I haven’t mentioned having foggy days for a while but where as the “FOG” used to come down in later afternoon it now appears to be there as soon as I wake up. I am struggling to do the most basic things around breakfast and meal times.

Speaking of mealtimes I now have to change my shirt at least once a day as I miss my mouth quite often (I know I know, I’ve heard them all LOL) but none the less embarrassing to say the least. Yes I get the stares and the TUT TUT`S but as anybody who knows me it doesn’t usually bother me, well it hasn’t until now. IS paranoia starting to creep in my illness as I am more aware these days of my surroundings in the way that I seem to know if people are staring, or are they?? It’s very worrying to say the least.
So, now to my mobility, the only way I can seem to describe this is by saying “Sometimes I feel as if I have someone else’s legs on and not mine” 

Does that sound so strange to you? It should to me but it doesn’t!! When I am walking, I am sure my legs want to go one way and I want to go another, what I must look like from the back, but thankfully Elaine is always there to hold me and guide me through my walks. There are also times I just want to break into a run, incredible I know but it’s so overwhelming at times I have to hold on tight to whatever or whoever is nearest. It’s as if I want to run away from this awful disease, and keep on running and when I arrive wherever I am going all will be ok, sadly not the case.

Inside my head I feel as if someone is blowing a balloon up and yet my blood pressure is fine, I want to scream and shout 


All these things are happening to me and happening right now with such clarity, and yet I feel foggy and misguided. Is this the confusion as well as the frustration showing itself? If I am told anything these days it has to be in Short bites because anymore than that seems to be too much for me and I get so frustrated and annoyed at not being able to take it all in.
And yet, here I am, typing away, bearing my soul to the world. Admittedly I am not typing as fast as I used to, but still, none the less, I am still here and I am still raising awareness and hopefully helping others what it’s like to suffer from this awful disease, which brings me to my final point.

Yes, I have got Alzheimer`s, and yes, I am getting worse, I don’t think even I could hide from that, but the more I see change (And change is happening) the more I feel driven, the more people say “Things are Changing” the more I want to change, the more people say “Its a lot better than it was twenty years ago” the more I want to make it even better. Both my “Angel “Elaine and I are great believers that everything happens for a reason, and if the reason I have been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s is to (TRY AT THE VERY LEAST) to improve things for people now and for future the generations to come, then so be it!!!.
Yes I may be “TEETERING ON THE EDGE” but I am not ready to fall over just yet!!!

Best wishes, Norrms and family xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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